When Being Deployed Is Better Than Being Home

When Being Deployed Is Better Than Being Home

I hate watching the clock as the afternoon melds into the dinner rush.  I know.  I’ve posted about how to make the dinner dilemma disappear, lauded our awesome military family lifestyle, encouraged you to set a dinner hour,  and roared proudly about being a military spouse, but today is the day where I need to drop my pompoms and scream. 

I get it.  At least he’s not deployed, right?  I should be happy.  He’s home.  Except he’s really not.  I mean, heck, at least with a deployment we get thrown a little extra pay, but at home station, 18 hour days don’t come with time and a half or family separation pay.

I’m not a single mom all the time, but if I were, I’d at least know where I stand.  If he was deployed, I’d know he was out of the daily equation.  If he was TDY and partying learning, I’d know it would end.  But no.  I have the benefit of being a spouse with none of the perks.

La Grande runs her constant “is Daddy going to be late/miss dinner/make it home for reading time/going back to work/able to walk me to school in the morning” lines of interrogation.

I work from home on top of running our entire life and nobody (hyperbole is called for today) seems to care that the only reason Homeskillet gets to be such an asset to our military is because I’m at home busting butt doing all the crap work that makes it possible for him to not bat an eyelash about working from 7am to midnight.  And I made the choice…I know the choice is mine…to work and have a professional identity, but at times it drives me batty.

My career takes a hit if I choose not to work…and that’s a huge trade off…potential earnings disappearing…a sacrifice not everybody understands…unless you’re a milspouse.

I’m so tired this week.  So tired.  And I hate whining.  And now I’m angry that I’m whining.

I know I’m not alone.  One of my fellow milspouse friends vented her frustrations today and it was just nice to know that she could share and I got it.  No need for excuses, no need for apologies.  I get it.  She gets it.  Yeah we’re strong, but sometimes being a milspouse sucks.

I said it.  Sucks.

We have a 96 coming up…apparently in USMC speak that means a 4-day weekend (thanks for the new jargon, Kristen)…and you know what?  I know that one of those days he is gonna go into work.  Yep.

So, do me a solid and let me know I’m not alone.  And share this on with your milspouse friends and let them know they’re not alone.  And it’s okay to vent. 

Okay, off to pick up my pompoms again.

And no, I didn’t forget about the budget scrubdown.






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  1. Kiki Leigh says:

    Finally, a military wife blog post i really relate to! I totally get this. After suffering through 3 years of DLI/NPS where I had to always be home for dinner at exactly 5:30 or risk throwing off his study schedule, after not watching any TV or playing music while he studied Arabic all night, every night (not exaggerating), after we had no social life (on his end anyway) because he was the only officer in a language class w/all enlisted dudes but didn’t have time to meet anyone besides classmates or teachers…, we PCD’d to Cairo, Egypt seven minths ago. Sounds fun and interesting, right? I know most military wives whose husbands serve in Centcom dont get to experience the region. And dont get me wrong, I love trying to learn Arabic, bargain at local markets, and sightseeing. But my Navy guy has so many TDYs that as soon as I get used to any kind of routine, he leaves. Then when he is home, he’s super tired and doesn’t want to get out and about – even though he knows it makes my life so much easier here to have a guy with me when I go out. Oh, and somehow he always happens to be home on the one night that some kind of women’s social event is going on, causing me to miss out. But what am I going to do, not hang with him on the one night he’s home?

    I’ve never experienced a deployment, but sometimes I think it must be nice to stay in your own country and get to establish your own routines while hubby is gone. Many times I read blog posts about military life (I’ve only been married a bit more than a year year, even though we’ve been together for five and Ives in 3 diff countries together) and it’s all about deployments. As if life is so easy when he’s “home” or at least not deployed. As if there’s some abundance of caresses, kind words, household help and hot sex every night when hubby is home. It’s so silly and really minimizes the day-to-day crap that wives go through when doing the hard work of constantly rearranging our day to day lives to fit his schedule.

    • Kiki, I’m so glad that you related to my venting! I get so frustrated about this…and even though it comes and goes, it’s the one constant that creeps up and makes me feel so annoyed. I can’t imagine how isolating it can be when you’re flying solo but not really…it’s like you’re a B&B manager and not a spouse. I think that one of the biggest misconceptions people have about challenges facing milspouses is that the only hardships revolve around deployments. You and I and every other milspouse out there can tell you that its really the day-to-day unpredictable schedules/inaccessibility/isolation is what really can make life tough. We’re not in a who’s got it worse situation here on this blog. This is a safe place of no-judgement. All of our experiences as milspouses are valid. We all sacrifice and we are stronger together. Big hugs to you, and welcome to the military community! Adri

  2. Kate says:

    YES!!!! That is exactly how I have been feeling! And here I am alone, again and not feeling so great. Being sick and alone is the worse!

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