Infant developmental milestones are so overrated. If you’re a new parent and you’re still all goo-goo eyed over your bundle of cuteness, I apologize in advance for being the rain to your parade, the needle to your bubble, the Tanya Harding to your Nancy Kerrigan…<insert wailing WHY’S here>.
Put on your sense of humor and, well, humor me, mami-style.
Aww, baby rolled over…and then off the bed… off the changing table…under the coffee table and got trapped…isn’t it great? Rolling over is the first in the line of milestones that lets you know that you’re in over your head.
No more guarantee that baby is where you left her. No, sir-ee. Baby is on the move, and it’s not going to end any time soon.
Got dust bunnies? Dropped a paper clip? Lost an earring? Hoover has nothing on your baby now! Not only can your baby feed themselves a cheerio, they can pick up a wide range of dangerous objects and insert them in mouth.
Extra awesome bonus? Not only can your child pinch a snack, they can pinch you too. Nothing puts you in your place faster than a quick pinch to the boob to remind you who’s in charge.
Walking, et al
I’m pretty sure if I had the opportunity to go back and slap myself across the face, it would be during La Grande’s babyhood. Hubby and I were so excited to see each developmental milestone, we would fantasize what it would be like when she could crawl, cruise, and walk. What the heck were we thinking? Crawling leads to climbing. Walking leads to running. And ultimately, when baby is up and moving, mom and dad are close behind chasing.
A word to the wise. When La Grande started walking, we often let her walk with us in stores. WORST. IDEA. EVER. She got so accustomed to being allowed to walk in stores, she refused to ride in shopping carts. It took several weeks to de-program her from that stupid-parenting moment (SPM…use it at will).
We definitely corrected that behavior the second time around.
Remember the first time your baby ninja’d their spoon out your hand? HI-YAH! Good luck getting the spoon back! It was like battling a master. Once your baby gets the taste for feeding independence, it becomes darn near impossible to revert to spoon-feeding your child.
Nursing was so much easier and so much cleaner!
Case in point…I have a wall that looks a bit like a Jackson Pollock thanks to some bananas, blueberries, and beets…no amount of scrubbing with a magic eraser will remove that splat.
Silence was never so golden before your child started talking. Once they can verbalize their desires, there is no turning back.
At first, it’s like having a naughty parrot.
“NO!” “MORE!” “MILK!” “SNACK!” “UH OH!”
Then it evolves. Not only does your child not want to do what you say, they can tell you that they have no plans to do what you say. Each short sentence of comes punctuated with feet stamping, eyes glaring, and arms flailing in defiance, nicely topped off with the unceremonious throwing of self on the floor.
And then, the pièce de résistance the outrageously loud public service announcement…here’s my favorite, compliments of La Grande, age 3.
<as she exits the bathroom in a small, but extremely crowded restaurant, holding her nose>
“I JUST DID NUMBER 2! IT WAS STINKY!”
The restaurant falls silent and turns and looks at me…all I could do was shrug and smile, while putting the quiet-finger over my mouth.
Which developmental milestone(s) could you have done with out? Share them below!
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