17 Reasons My Husband Has It Easier

17 Reasons My Husband Has It Easier

That’s right.  I said it  I’m calling him out.  He has it easier.  He has it freer.  He’s…well…he’s in deep doo-doo.  I’m putting this out for the world to see, and I bet my sisters-in-arms will see it just like I do.  Get this…

Hubby gets home from work and scoops the girls up to hang with him while he changes out of his G.I. Joe gear.  I always appreciate the 10 minutes of golden silence I get to put on my ‘spouse hat’…it’s like a mental commute. A-MAZING.  As I’m having a calgon-take-me-away mental break, I hear him call out, “Hey, Hon?  Can you come grab La Rubia?”  My answer: an incredulous “Why?!”

Him: “I have to go to the bathroom.”

Me: “So, go.”

Him: “I can’t.  I have to GO.”

Me: “Just leave the door open.  Let her go with you.”

Him: <offended and slightly put out> “I can’t do that!  I’m a man!”

Me: <annoyed and on the brink> “What do you mean you can’t?  I haven’t seen the inside of a bathroom without an audience in almost 6 years!  Plus, you’re sitting.  You won’t scar her.”

Him: “Come on.  I have to go and I’m not going with an audience.” <closes door>

Me: <like Krakatoa> “Are you kidding me?  This is a horrible double standard!  You will pay!”

And pay, he will.  I  mean, he is.  I am putting this out there for all the stay at home spouses that don’t get a break while holding down the fort, grappling with the kiddos, and making it look easy.  Your other half has no idea.  No.  Earthly.  Clue.

 

My Husband Has It Easier

 

  1. Childbirth (this is a lifelong trump card that I will exploit shamelessly for the rest of our lives).  Did it twice even though I knew the price.
  2. Vasectomy vs. Episiotomy.  Sewed up my nether-regions with souchers that rival nautical rope.  Exact words of my OB w/ La Grande when I asked how many stitches: “Oh, it’s not stitches, honey.  It’s more like a hem.”
  3. I comb three heads of hair…daily.  Him? Zero.  He’s bald.
  4. Bill paying.  He may earn it, but as far as he knows the cable fairy brings us DVR service and the credit fairy granted us killer credit scores.
  5. Laundry.  He must think his dresser is a friggin’ cornucopia of Under Armor underwear and clothing.
  6. Food.  Living in our house for him is like an extended stay at posh B & B.  He shows up and there’s food in the cabinets and on the table.
  7. House cleaning.  Him: “Where do we keep the vacuum cleaner again?”
  8. Activity and vacation planning.  A cruise director has nothing on me.  NO-THING.
  9. Undivided attention.  I don’t even know….(one second, kiddo asking a question)…what that is.
  10. Adult interaction.  Does he have to sing “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” to his coworkers?  I didn’t think so.
  11. The ability to fall asleep in 5 seconds.
  12. The ability to do any activity while totally tuning out the bloodcurdling screeching of La Rubia Peligrosa.
  13. The ability to not “see” messes.
  14. The luxury of being able to not be thinking of anything.  HOW IS THAT HUMANLY POSSIBLE?!?!?!?!
  15. The ability to not hear a child wake up, even briefly, in the middle of the night (so he says).
  16. The comfort of knowing his children are clean, well loved, healthy, and well disciplined.
  17. Going to the bathroom ALONE.  ALONE!  No questions, stories, or children disclosing the intimate details of what is going on in the stall.  Nobody talking about your business at a volume that doesn’t even qualify as a whisper at a rock concert.  Nobody unraveling the toilet paper like its a NYC ticker tape parade.  Nobody knocking on the door to request a snack, drink, activity to do, or request a status update every 15 seconds.  Nobody trying to hug you, or sit on your lap, or better yet, you sitting them on your lap because they aren’t old enough to stand.  Or going to the bathroom with a baby in one arm while unbuttoning your pants and sliding them down with the other hand.  Or shoving two children and one adult in a standard size stall so that no one abducts or molests said children…

Okay, okay.  Woosah.  That was cathartic.  Isn’t it amazing what a good ole’ fashioned vent will do for you every now and again?

So, who has it easier in your house?  What is your number-one pet peeve?  Share them below!

 

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  1. This made me think of my poor stay-at-home mom, who raised four of us! One thing I’d add for those of us childless milspouses is his career training. It’s amazing how much training the military is willing to pay for! He has no idea how lucky he is; being trained for Job B after completing Job A. Meanwhile, I’m stuck trying to convince him every step of the way that it’s a good investment for us to pay for any schooling I might need to try and establish a take-anywhere career, let alone the language skills I need to be employable where the Navy sends us.

    • MoneyChica2012 says:

      Kiki, you make an excellent point! Education and training are very expensive and it is something that is readily accessible for our AD spouses as they progress in their careers. I have been green with envy on several occasions while listening to him filling me in on his latest professional development training. You should definitely invest in yourself AND I know you can find some funding sources. Perhaps I’ll do some digging and get a post up on this in the near future. Thanks for sharing!

  2. All I had to read was “Childbirth” and you had me convinced. lol

  3. I’ll add to the list

    Educational/therapy decisions for the kids–Both of my boys have special needs, so speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy are weekly commitments. Both of them have IEPs. I am the sole party responsible for preapring (and usually attending) the IEP meetings. I research which therapists are best and manage wait lists and referrals. We are about to move for the 2nd time with an IEP so I am the sole responsible party for researching the options at our new assignment.

    Career sacrifice–With TDYs and deployments, there needs to be one person responsible for doing all the driving. At the moment, we do 10 weekly therapy appointments netween the two boys…in addition to special education and presschool. This means I am often in the car 9-5 driving them from one to another. Someone has to stay at home to make this work.

    • MoneyChica2012 says:

      Michelle, absolutely! Medical appointments and education/school related decisions and enrichment activities are hugely on our plates. And our careers are at the mercy of local industry and the job market. Thank you for sharing. Stay strong!

    • Chandra Posted on Love it! Glad I had a chance to run with you the other day! Helped me to get back on track while I was up there! Know that you keep me inirpsed!

  4. Elizabeth says:

    haha loved this! Glad it’s not just my husband that feels like he gets to lock the bathroom door while he ‘uses’ the bathroom. And I have boys…there’s def no traumatizing! When we were trying to teach them to poopoo in the potty I told him to take them in with him and show them that daddy goes poopoo in the potty. Yeah that never happened!

Trackbacks

  1. [...] When 6:30pm rolls around, and hubs is home, I am officially tapped out.  I am not the primary parent for the next 1-1.5 hours.  He tackles the bed and bath routine, and I happily do the dishes.  Alone.  ALONE.  ALL ALONE!   Granted, this only works when he gets home on time, but we take what we can!  Need more reasons why you deserve to tap out? Read 17 Reasons My Husband Has It Easier. [...]

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