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I can’t help but notice all of the chatter surrounding K-12 schooling in my newsfeed. From calls to boycott the Common Core to lamenting the state of standardized testing, my parent-friends are not too happy with their local public schools (we’ll leave the state of bullying for another day). Many of my friends have opted out of traditional schooling altogether in favor of homeschooling because of their dissatisfaction.

And I just don’t get it.

La Grande attends public school in Hillsborough County Florida and I don’t have any complaints. And I guess I feel like I’m missing something because I don’t have any complaints and I wonder what that says about me as a parent.

Should I be angry? Am I not advocating for my child? Or perhaps La Grande is just not “special” enough for me to warrant getting concerned. Maybe she’s just average.

Or maybe it’s this: She’s in second grade and school it’s just school.

Tests will always happen. Sucky teachers happen. Bullies happen. There will always be subjects you love, books you hate, and processes that bore you (sentence diagramming, much?).

It’s life. Because it’ll look like this one day:

Work evaluations are a part of life. Sometimes your boss is an idiot. Mean people suck. You’ll have your passions, activities you avoid, and work-tasks that make you want to pull out your eyelashes one-by-one.

I just refuse to get bent out of shape about schooling. What schools have become is this giant battlefield between groups of people who ought be on the same team but seem hellbent on waging a war that has dire consequences for the future of schooling and a major lifelong impact on our children.

Schools are life’s learning labs. It isn’t about the testing or the homework or the grades. It’s all about learning how to function in life and society. If you don’t’ see that…if all you choose to see is the curriculum and the grades and the testing, then you are missing the boat. School is an experience. You don’t just go to school; you experience school.  Going to school is a universal experience that comes with some pretty major cultural capital.  Reflecting on your school days, both good and bad, is something that we as a society all share.

As a parent, I realize that formal schooling is just a small percentage of my child’s success. I am responsible for instilling the real bankable skills and qualities. Ultimately doing school well means nothing without the qualities that can only be instilled at home: manners, communication skills, conflict resolution, empathy, humanity, work ethic, and drive.

As a parent, it is my responsibility to teach my child life’s truths. If I see that my child is struggling with school, be it a challenging topic or an inanely boring bout of showing fiftymillion ways to represent 251 in square blocks, it is my duty to help my child understand that we are not always instantly good at doing something until we practice and practice and practice (and practice), not everything in life is pleasant, and there are times when we have to do things we don’t like, and even when something seems silly, there might be a good reason behind why it’s being asked of us.

 As a parent, I am my child’s teacher’s reinforcement and support at home. Teachers have become the target for many a parent’s frustration concerning what schools “should” be doing for their children. Teachers need parents on their side, supporting what they’re doing in the classroom, and keeping an open and respectful dialogue going throughout the school year. We must treat them like the professionals they are. Teachers are not the enemy.  Try this line out on your teacher, “How can I best support what you’re doing in the classroom at home with my child?”

 As a parent, I must guard my tongue around my child. Anything and everything I say in relation to what type of student my child is to how I personally feel about their schooling will be absorbed, internalized, and reflected by my child. I never want my child to believe that she is more or less “special” than anyone else. If I have beef with my child’s schooling or teacher, it is not something than my child will ever hear from my mouth. The last thing I want is a child who believes that they are entitled to be treated differently and that their mom thinks that their teacher and their school is a crock (because she’ll think and act on that, too).

I am not saying that grades don’t matter, or that all teachers are preeminent professionals, or that all schools are the same- no. Not at all.  What I’m saying is that perhaps we’ve gotten a bit mob-like in how we as parents interact with the school environment. Perhaps we are the ones who are hypersensitive.  Perhaps we, as parents, are acting as if we’re entitled to something more than public schools are meant to offer.

At this point, I’m not even sure what parents want out of the classroom experience.  No tests?  No homework?  No behavioral expectations?

• If there’s no homework, you worry that your child’s teacher is a slacker.
• If there’s too much homework, your child’s teacher is unreasonable.
• Hard core classroom management?  His expectations for developmentally appropriate behavior are unfounded and too lofty.
• Minimal classroom management?  She doesn’t know how to handle the students.
• No testing?  How do I really know how my child is doing?
• Too much testing?  Too stressful.

It’s like a Goldilocks catch-22.  Too hot, too cold…who are the right people to call the shots on “just right”?  My guess it’s all of us working as a team: teachers, parents, administration.  And we all have to get on board with the idea that public schooling is a public good.  It is an investment for our nation.  It is a right.

Ultimately, I know my kids are fine because I’m a good parent.  And my friends are good parents, so their kids are going to be fine.  I really and truly believe that.  I can hire tutor, take my kids to museums, supplement their education in arts with private lessons, and extend their classroom experience into my home.

Who I worry about and who we really need advocate for is NOT our children.  It’s other people’s children- children whose parents are not engaged and not plugged in for whatever reason.  By not caring for and advocating for those children, our children suffer.